Many people (including the president) have asked me "Hey, how do you tell if someone is gay? You're so good at it" then I respond with "Sure i'll tell you, just blow me and fly in bottled air from the Himalayas for me to breathe so I don't have to share it with you peons." I've decided to write a post on how to tell, here's a few ways to tell if someone is gay add up the points and if it's above 10 you have a homo on your hands, I have a PHD in gaydar so don't tell me i'm not qualified to write this you assfucks.


+10 pts if they are wearing assless chaps
+3 pts if they are driving a miata
-3 pts if when asked what the fuck is up with that gay piece of shit car they respond "it's for the track you sound like you want to fight faggot"
+5 pts if they have a nsync poster with lance bass not crossed out on it
+5 pts if they are wearing a deep v-neck that doesn't say any of the following on it, iron maiden, ACDC, Led Zepplin, Dying fetus, Dragon force
+10 pts if they are roller blading WITH a helmet on and acting like they're cool with it
+15 pts if you ask would you like an owl in your barn and they giggle and then say yes and ask if you are gonna put a raincoat on
+20 pts if they call you drunk asking for you to poo on his face while he beats off 
-10 pts if when given the choice, would choose to kill someone with their own hands than pay someone else to do it
+50 pts if someone has cried openly in theaters during the scene where one of the weasely twins died during the last Harry Potter, holy fuck was that annoying to sit through, and give yourself another 50 points if you watched it in Santana Row for pissing me the fuck off you big homo
+10 pts if your room is color coordinated


Pretty simple list everyone tally it up, use common sense and always remember that the feeling you feel in your gut is always correct. Even if it turns out you're wrong that someone who you thought was gay is actually straight you tell him to come out of the fucking closet you big big homo and stop lying to yourself 

My hero and idol Adam Carolla from Loveline and Manshow fame appeared on the celebrity apprentice this season. I found out and immediately began watching from episode one, he was great and he was himself and I am a big big fan. But I couldn't help but to notice throughout this show that Donald Trump is in love with himself, more than the average human being should love themselves...

In every season he gets out of a limo with people opening doors and basically saluting him, the first scene from the show was all the celebrities standing around inside a historic bullshit theater and he walks in and the theme of the apprentice is literally played by a small symphony during his arrival-what a douche. Second during many scenes especially in the "boardroom" where he fires people, he talks down to everyone like his poo doesn't stink. These are all celebrities who are themselves, accomplished people and here we have donald trump, a man who was born into wealth who talks down to them.

The biggest problem I had was Donald Trump's daughter, holy fuck what an asshole one episode made the teams create an ad to promote her new clothing line. What the fuck? Is she an artist? A seamstress? Is she an editor on vogue or something homo like that? What the fuck qualifies people like Paris Hilton, Ivanka Trump and whoever else to release a clothing line? They themselves have not done anything have they, they are a few generations down from really mattering Ivanka trump is as Louis ck would say her father's "grown up cum" and really has no place starting a clothing line or recording albums.