To whom it may concern do yourself a favor and watch a movie called Grown ups with Adam Sandler it has changed my entire perspective and outlook on life. Before this movie I was a sad piece of shit, I was a 21 year old who wore diapers and shit myself. I still needed to be breast fed and had uncontrollable diarrhea when I was upset which was all the time. Now I am a CEO of a fortune 500 company who donates >500 million annually to those less fortunate. I am the only non-Mormon who practices polygamy and am married to the following....open up maxim's hottest of whatever year you are reading this and list the top 100 yes folks those are my wives and whatever the description says add married to me, I didn't even want to marry them it was just that after watching Grown-ups I became so awesome that I didn't have a choice because they black mailed me into it somehow...

A lot of people have been asking me lately, hey? How do you do it? How are you so great? What's your secret?  I tell these imaginary friends some really important life lessons that I have learned over the years, lets go over them, dissect them and understand them so that YOU can become a better you.

Tip #1 When you meet someone (particularly someone of high authority like a priest or a CEO), give them a really limp handshake. Don't know how to do it? Grab your dick and pretend to shake it, like shaking a hand, when it is floppy and soft and that is how your hand should feel to the person you are introducing yourself too. Then during this they may give you a look, when you see this look you suddenly tighten up your grip and scream racist obscenities at them. This will show them that you are very good at reading people's physical interactions.

Tip #2 When you go into a job interview, cut them off during an important topic of conversation. Let's say they are talking, "Yeah so *scratches nuts* why do you think you are qualified for this job? Tell m--" you cut them off here and you say something very awkward. Something like "My grandfather is a fudge packer he works at the chocolate factory." Notice how this is statement will show your future employer that you are also a family man with goals and a family tree who has worked hard and as a result, you should be judged just the same.

Tip #3 If by now they haven't rolled out the red carpet for you straight into a managerial position, I have this step which is a fucking secret. I did this to become CEO of the fucking world, if at the end of a job interview or social interaction you are not satisfied with the outcome. Wait for the person to say bye, if they're waiting for you to say bye first you stand there and cross your eyes until they say it. Fuck them why should you have to take the initiative? Are you some sort of fucking talk show host? Look at them straight in the eyes and pinch their balls or that general area. Then you learn over really slowly and whisper "that's how my uncle used to touch me fag." Yup ! so simple in three easy steps you are now a better person.

So today is day something of my diet, I think it was either 3 or 4 but I've already screwed up by eating pistachios and a chicken patty. Tomorrow I will return into my mother's vagina to die. I am like a salmon traveling upstream to give birth and then die where I was born many years before except I won't give birth because I'm not a faggot.

In the other news bring back rage against the machine so that fat white girls on their periods have something to listen to instead of blocking my walking-path up hills when I need to get to class. All of you a-holes who stop i'm going to just wear sweatpants, pop a boner and if I poke you it is your fault you FAT FUCKS

I'm back bitches, it is twenty twelve and many things have changed. Some things have gotten better, I can now beat off without crying. It used to be I would start and within a minute tears would be streaming down my face while I did it. Anyway, some things have gotten worse too, people, the city I live in for school, and the radio.

You see some of you don't have to listen to the radio, I however don't know how to operate the bluetooth on my phone so my car can play music off the phone so sometimes I am stuck. And did you think that because I'm asian I can operate bluetooth really well because asians are good with technology? Fuck you racist asshole. Most radio stations are switching from good talk shows to just playing top 40 now I have gone to the site itself, top 40 charts . whatever com fucking bullshit and as I glance through these songs I get an erection because it's none of your goddamn business why I decided to pop a chubby you fucking monkey. I will now review each of the songs or artists in no particular order, but I will let you know what they rank on the mike-hates-this-artist-scale which is really important.

1. Bruno mars- Anything bruno mars is no good, a 4'10" filipino with a guitar and a stupid fedora cap can never go well. A stupid little flip growing up eating jollibees and high self esteem has lead (hopefully) millions of people around the world ripping out their car speakers when one of his ridiculous songs come on the air.
"Just the way you are", "the lazy song", The worst song of all is "grenade" which goes something like I'll jump in front of a train for you, take a bullet in the head for you this is retarded bullshit, I feel like throwing up hearing this pussy ass song Bruno Mars writes songs to make himself sound like a bitch. Oh and you take his wife and you give him the chance to "take a bullet in the head" for her? He fucking pusses out fuck that get off the radio. Ok I feel bad maybe he's a really nice guy or something.

2. Rihanna the greatest most lyrically gifted performer ever, what are you doing on the radio right now? Oh wait you suck the big one, music emits from your forehead. Oh god it's so big I could land a plane on that forehead oh yeahhh so big so large the reason why she's good is because her forehead is doing the singing. okay I feel bad maybe she's a really nice person too.

3. LMFAO, what a great band name you guys are really original I should start a band called LOL and write shit better than you do. "Sexy and i know it" is what's wrong with every fucking person today. I don't know I couldn't think for a second all I have to say is listen to this song and get pissed with me, I don't know what to say about it just listen to it all I can say is LMFAO is my most hated group today I'd rather you duct tape me to a chair and make me listen to rihanna while bruno mars (stands on his tippy-toes) and beats off on my face than listen to any song from LMFAO.

4. David guetta....don't know him, jason mraz...kinda gay but I'm undecided, nicki minaj is annoying but I change her songs so fast when it comes on that I don't have anything to write about her.